I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
