Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
