I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
