cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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