rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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