just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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