She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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