i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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