isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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