Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
