Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
