so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
two words: eviction party
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
