Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
