I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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