I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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