What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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