My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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