Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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