You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
