I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
