If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
