i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
