College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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