first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
