she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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