...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
