I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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