Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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