I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
