She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
this boner is exhausting
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
