my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
