I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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