Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Holy sore nipples Batman
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
