At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
