you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
