just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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