I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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