He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
