I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i now understand why vodka
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
