If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
