remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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