for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
