I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
