remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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