Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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