I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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