I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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