Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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