He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
