allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
