Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Someone came in the potted fern
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
