peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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