She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
