who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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